Thing NOT To Say To Someone With RA

There are a lot of things that people say that often hurt my feelings. Especially lately, with my RA symptoms being like a roller coaster. The unpredictable symptoms sometimes makes me feel like people actually question my actual pain.

"Oh you're just in pain, it'll go away"

I wish I could hand off the RA stick to people, just so they could feel what a flare feels like. Sometimes, trying to explain it doesn't do any justice at all.

"I can't do anything for you"

Yes, people can actually help. With a full on flare, I need help with the daily things. Making my bed, maybe even unhooking my bra. These may seem like little things, but the energy it takes when your hands hurt is just crazy.

"You were fine earlier"

Sure, that may be true. But, I honestly cannot control the symptoms. They come on when they feel like it. These statements only make me feel like people think I am lying.

"Why are you walking like that?"

Believe me, I do not think limps are cool. If I'm limping, it's because I am in pain. I'll probably try to downplay it,  but mostly so I don't hear one of the other above responses.

"You're not better yet?"

It may be surprising to some people, but RA is not like the flu. It's not going to go away. Unless you know of a cure that I don't. And believe me, I WANT to be better.

"Why are you hurting, what did you do?"

What did I do? I didn't GIVE myself RA. I did not injure myself. Granted, there are times that a flare could be brought on by doing too much. I still don't think the blame should be pointed at me for wanting to try to be "normal".

"You're tired, oh I am too"

Ha! Do "normal" people have any idea what autoimmune fatigue is like? Really though? Some days I could sleep close to 12 hours and feel like I'm crashing at work the next day.

"My body hurts, I feel like you"

You feel like me? Step in my shoes for a day to understand the struggles I go through. Have you ever struggled trying to open the toothpaste? Does it hurt you to drive because gripping the steering wheel kills your stiff hands? Yes, you may have pain, but you are not like me....unless you have RA.

I think the main reason so many of these comments bother me is that I've always been open about my RA. I've had RA since I was 5 years old, nearly my entire life. The disease is not new, neither are the symptoms. THAT is why people should not act surprised if I'm flaring. I never want pity, NEVER. Just understanding. I talk about my RA often because I want people to understand it. I sometimes try to tell "normal" people that it feels like after a intense work out, with having the flu. But, only it lasts just about every day. I'd much rather welcome questions than feeling people question my symptoms like they're not real.