No more rain

I'm having a complete pity party today. I'm beyond tired from working nearly 12 hours a day. To top it off, my RA started acting up yesterday. It rained all through the night, I didn't sleep much because I swear it felt like someone was chewing on my shoulder bone. The pain was awful. It's times like that I wish I could take pain meds. During the day, the fatigue was hard to fight. I put on my "brave face" at work and pushed through it. Finishing at about 13 hours today. I just feel like I'm going to crash and burn. I can't keep working at this pace. Especially when I'm hurting. I was hoping to take part of tomorrow off, but I have a patient I need to take care of. I would love to take a day off work and just sleep. My days off are usually spent catching up with family or doing laundry. Which, speaking of, I really need to do. I had a near melt down during the day today. We had patients nonstop all afternoon. I take advantage of any down time. There was a brief break, so I ran to the bathroom. My sore, weak hands were trying to grab toilet paper out of a dispenser that was made for a non-arthritis person fought me. I pulled, and was given a square. Pulled again, one more square. It was quite the challenge. Sadly, the grabbing part is what bothered me. It's supposed to rain again tomorrow. I just feel broken. I need energy. Bedtime now, alarm is set for 4am....so we can attempt this charade all over again.

Does wine cure the whine?

I almost celebrated a full 2 weeks of feeling AMAZING. I had a follow up appointment with my doc on Friday. She says I need to really watch the color changing hands. Apparently, the lack of blood flow can cause nerve damage. I wear two pairs of socks usually, she said it's not good enough...so I bought special diabetic socks at freakin $10 a pair. I don't feel awful, I'm just feeling discouraged. I sometimes am afraid to enjoy things, because I don't know how it might make me feel physically. I need to stop living in this kind of fear.

On Thursday, I was having some chest pain and a fluttery feeling in my chest. I've been training a new girl at work how to do EKG's, so I had her do one on me. As soon as she touched my chest to place the leads, I felt pain. Instantly, I knew what it was. Every so often, my costochondritis flares up. It's inflammation in the ribs and hurts to the touch. Normally, I use colchicine to help relive the pain and inflammation. I found out from the pharmacy that it's no longer available. But, a new and MORE expensive medication is. No thank you. Waiting to hear back from doc to see what else is out there.

 I spent the night at Mom's last night. It's always nice relaxing with family. We made dinner together and watched a movie. We got to church a little early, so we sat in the cafe and drank our coffee. I lifted my right hand to take a drink, and my hand had the shakes....like quivering. It was strange. Mom noticed it too. So, I tried to brush it off and just use my left hand. I hate people noticing things like that, or me in pain. We met some family for breakfast after church. I used my left hand to eat because I was afraid of it happening again and people noticing.

I'm going to pretend I don't know any better

I've been feeling good for a week. I know that may not seem like much, but it really is. To have my worst pain be a 3 on a pain scale is fantastic! My energy has been so much better too. And, when have have both of those going for me, my mood is just overjoyed. I feel like I'm about to ruin it. My friend at work, Sophia, is having a birthday party tonight. It's actually a surprise, she is totally clueless. I'm excited to go out and socialize, I haven't done that in a while. BUT, I know my triggers. Dancing and drinking.....I always pay for it. Drinking always makes me swell and stiff. Dancing just makes me feel like I'm 80 years old the next day. I don't want to feel like I have to live in a bubble. I'm still going, I have ants in my pants and need to get out.

Support RA!

I found these online, thought they were cool!