Rest vs Sleep

Chronic fatigue has not been easy lately. And, it hasn't been easy to explain. Depending on my mood, sometimes I feel like I need a disclaimer rubberbanded around my wrist. Other times, I wish people would just stop asking what's wrong. The feeling of being so tired and not getting enough sleep is sometimes unbearable. Waking up yawning and knowing you are JUST starting your day could bring tears to your eyes. I truly know this. I swallow these tears often.

Its difficult working full time(while having to commute) and dealing with fatigue. I try to nap on the weekends to catch up on sleep. Most often, I find I'm still sleepy. Recently, I experimented with myself. I reduced my work hours to allow to take care of myself properly. When I napped, I still felt very tired. If I would just lay in bed and rest or meditate I would actually feel more rested. It seemed a little strange to me. I really thought sleep would be the answer.

Sometimes, people just will NOT understand

My left knee, I also call my surgery knee, has been bothering me for well over a month now. It's the same pain that I felt before I had arthroscopic surgery. I went to see the knee surgeon on Thursday, we're trying cortisone injections before making any crazy decisions. So, I got my injection, was reminded to stay off my feet for 2 days. I figured with only one more day in the work week, I could manage at work with my leg up and letting them know I couldn't walk around. Work was understanding. I propped my leg up, even put on my snuggy and shut my office door. One of the girls came in later, I was telling her that I was dying for some coffee. We laughed, saying how great it would be if Starbucks delivered. A little while later, I had to leave my office, I walk out and Starbucks is being passed out. Did anyone think about the girl that cannot walk to get coffee? Sometimes, just little things mean so much.


After work, I realized my house key was left in my jacket-in the house. I had to wait for someone to get home. I figured I would get my nails done while waiting. I drove down the street, and luckily they had a opening. It turned out to be a awful experience. The lady was so rough with me. Even after I told her I had arthritis. She kept telling me to relax my hand. My hands are so stiff, I can't help which way they go. I was so close to tears. Then, she kept pulling my arm so hard that my shoulder would react. I would get this look almost like, what's wrong with you. It just breaks my heart when people don't have any compassion. I get my nails done on a regular basis, but normally at a place near work. They are so professional and understanding. They even ask if they're hurting me. I guess, lesson learned with this place.

Set backs

We always try to take steps forward with our disease. RA is a progressive disease, and any set back is a complete let down.

I recently had to hold my medication for my gallbladder surgery. This was to prevent infection. Some medication prevent healing. I waiting about 2 1/2 weeks AFTER surgery to restart my methotrexate.

Yesterday was 5 weeks post surgery. I now have a infection. Albeit, just in the belly button, doesn't look like it's deep in the belly. My body is completely worn down, I'm sure because it's recovering from fighting this little infection. AND, I have to skip my methotrexate injection because I have a active infection.

Sometimes the most difficult, besides the set backs, is the lack of support or understanding. I don't think people realize that it is harder for someone with a autoimmune disease to heal.

Pain after arthroscopic surgery

On February 28th of this year, I had arthroscopic surgery on my knee. Doc said he cleaned out the synovium. I noticed right away that awful lingering pain went away after surgery. Here it is, about 5 months later, the pain is slowly coming back. It's accompanied by a strange clicking sound when I walk. Sometimes when I hear the clicking sound, I almost don't feel completely stable on that knee. I called to make a appointment with the surgeon. They said it would be at least 2 months. I opted for the physicians assistant, her wait is only one month. I've never seen her though, she doesn't know my history AND she's not the one that did the surgery.

This pic is my before and after shot from when they cleaned up my synovium. I'm crossing my fingers it still looks like the after pic!


Yesterday was 4 weeks post gallbladder surgery. I had planned to start back at the gym this weekend. I'm not sure if that's a good idea now with the current pain in my knee. I know it's not a RA flare, but I just don't want to do anything I shouldn't.

There was a comment made to me this past week that bothered me. Someone said "something has to always be hurting you". This is why I try not to complain out loud. Having had RA for nearly my entire life, people are tired of hearing about my pains. I truly cannot help the pain. With RA, comes many other things that "break down" my body. Osteoporosis, OA, fatigue, belly aches, weight fluctuation, depression. It's all a part of this awful disease. I wish there was a way to help people understand that better.