My secret is safe with me

Day to day life can be painful. Physically speaking. Some people have no idea what it's like to struggle getting dressed. How many people my age have gone to take a bath, then sat there and cried because you can't figure out how to get out? I'm sometimes so resentful of my disease. But, I often wonder if God didn't give this to me, would it have been one of my family members that would be going through it. I hurt a lot of he time, but the majority of the time, people have no idea. In my mind, because I've had RA for nearly 30 years, people are tired of hearing about it. I sometimes don't talk about my pain until its at an unbearable stage. Or sometimes, when it becomes obvious in how I walk. As I've gotten older, I don't get the swelling like I did when I was a child. I do get the fatigue. I could sleep 12 hours and still feel tired. My body will feel like its sick. I sometimes wonder what the future will bring. How the disease will progress. I know I shouldn't dwell on such negative things, but it's a reality of life. I'm in "moderate" pain tonight. My hands have really been acting up, I can't grab things or make a fist when they get like this. Thank goodness for iPhone typing, the touch screen is easier to use than my computer. Don't get me wrong, I do have decent days and sometimes really good days. I just wish I had some of those right now. I sometimes wonder if my family has any idea what it's like to live with chronic pain.