I've been really frustrated lately. For a few reasons. I started PT a few weeks ago for my knee pain. They showed me how weak my body is. It was really disappointing. They had me try to walk without a limp, kind of hard when you have knee pain when you walk. Then, they had me stand on my toes. I didn't realize how awful my balance is. God help me if I ever have to walk in a straight line to prove sobriety! They gave me exercises to do at home. Of course I haven't been able to do them because of time restraints and my awesome fatigue.
My home life is going to drive me into a wall. I always tell people that my family helps me. When, in truth, I feel like I'm the one that helps them. I come home to a crazy mess every day after work. I overdraw my spoons just to clean it up before I pass out for the night. Then, its destroyed again in the morning. I don't always have time to do it in the morning. It's draining. I feel like I'm literally stuck here. I've helped mom with bills for years. Now that I have a car payment, I can't afford to move on my own. It's just not fair. I could support myself if I didn't have her bills.
I ran out of medication weeks ago. I haven't told anyone. I haven't been able to afford my refills because I had to buy groceries for the house two paydays in a row. It makes me want to cry because I know what will happen. I don't want to start flaring. I'm putting myself in a bad position, but I don't know what else to do.
I always hear about people going missing, then they're found safe. They just needed to get away. NOW, I know why people do that. They need a break from life, just for a minute. I really wish I could run away and turn off my phone and it just be me. Just for a day or so. If only.
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