The fog has finally lifted

I know to expect side effects from medications. The past few weeks just was more than I had expected. I feel like I've been in a complete fog. Lyrica is now on my "I refuse to take list". The headaches and nausea were awful. It's so hard to try to go about your day when you feel like crap. I think the absolute worst is when you cannot think or comprehend when someone is talking to you. I imagine this is what feeling like a nutcase is like. I felt like a complete lunatic not being able to process my thoughts or forgetting the simpliest things. It made my fatigue twice as bad. 12 hours of sleep felt like a nap, it was just awful. In the midst of going through my "crazy fit", I started Enbrel. I've never injected myself before this. I thought it would be much more difficult. The injection itself is the easy part. The medication going in, well, saying that it burns a little would be an understatement. But, the benefits are way worth it.  Friday was my second injection, and also day 4 of being off of Lyrica. I think yesterday was my first real day of feeling "good". No pain, no Lyrica yuckiness. I think I'm finally going down a better road.

One uppers

I'm flaring, can I just have my moment?! I can't complain about aches and pains without someone telling me about theirs. I can't say that I'm tired, because the person next to me is just as tired. I sometimes wonder if these people have any idea what I'm going through.

Where's the unlike button for RA?

It's a known fact that a full tank of gas eventually goes empty. I've been going full speed for a couple months, then the past 2 weeks I've been fighting a flare. This flare has been different. It started with slight fatigue and body aches. I am completely exhausted by the end of each day lately. My costochondritis is kicking into high gear as well. It causes my chest to hurt, luckily working in heart transplant, I can get an ekg at any time for reassurance. After work today, I met some of the girls for a drink and chicken strips! Yummy. Except, I already feel crummy. I have shortness of breath pretty bad, I'm guessing from inflammation in my chest wall. Then, I lost it and started crying...that really didn't help my breathing. Doc emailed me earlier and told me to add methotrexate back into the mix. It's not an awful thing. It just makes me feel sick before it makes me feel better. I just want to feel better. I can fight the pain better than the fatigue. I can't put a brave face over fatigue like I do with pain.

No more rain

I'm having a complete pity party today. I'm beyond tired from working nearly 12 hours a day. To top it off, my RA started acting up yesterday. It rained all through the night, I didn't sleep much because I swear it felt like someone was chewing on my shoulder bone. The pain was awful. It's times like that I wish I could take pain meds. During the day, the fatigue was hard to fight. I put on my "brave face" at work and pushed through it. Finishing at about 13 hours today. I just feel like I'm going to crash and burn. I can't keep working at this pace. Especially when I'm hurting. I was hoping to take part of tomorrow off, but I have a patient I need to take care of. I would love to take a day off work and just sleep. My days off are usually spent catching up with family or doing laundry. Which, speaking of, I really need to do. I had a near melt down during the day today. We had patients nonstop all afternoon. I take advantage of any down time. There was a brief break, so I ran to the bathroom. My sore, weak hands were trying to grab toilet paper out of a dispenser that was made for a non-arthritis person fought me. I pulled, and was given a square. Pulled again, one more square. It was quite the challenge. Sadly, the grabbing part is what bothered me. It's supposed to rain again tomorrow. I just feel broken. I need energy. Bedtime now, alarm is set for 4am....so we can attempt this charade all over again.

Does wine cure the whine?

I almost celebrated a full 2 weeks of feeling AMAZING. I had a follow up appointment with my doc on Friday. She says I need to really watch the color changing hands. Apparently, the lack of blood flow can cause nerve damage. I wear two pairs of socks usually, she said it's not good enough...so I bought special diabetic socks at freakin $10 a pair. I don't feel awful, I'm just feeling discouraged. I sometimes am afraid to enjoy things, because I don't know how it might make me feel physically. I need to stop living in this kind of fear.

On Thursday, I was having some chest pain and a fluttery feeling in my chest. I've been training a new girl at work how to do EKG's, so I had her do one on me. As soon as she touched my chest to place the leads, I felt pain. Instantly, I knew what it was. Every so often, my costochondritis flares up. It's inflammation in the ribs and hurts to the touch. Normally, I use colchicine to help relive the pain and inflammation. I found out from the pharmacy that it's no longer available. But, a new and MORE expensive medication is. No thank you. Waiting to hear back from doc to see what else is out there.

 I spent the night at Mom's last night. It's always nice relaxing with family. We made dinner together and watched a movie. We got to church a little early, so we sat in the cafe and drank our coffee. I lifted my right hand to take a drink, and my hand had the shakes....like quivering. It was strange. Mom noticed it too. So, I tried to brush it off and just use my left hand. I hate people noticing things like that, or me in pain. We met some family for breakfast after church. I used my left hand to eat because I was afraid of it happening again and people noticing.

I'm going to pretend I don't know any better

I've been feeling good for a week. I know that may not seem like much, but it really is. To have my worst pain be a 3 on a pain scale is fantastic! My energy has been so much better too. And, when have have both of those going for me, my mood is just overjoyed. I feel like I'm about to ruin it. My friend at work, Sophia, is having a birthday party tonight. It's actually a surprise, she is totally clueless. I'm excited to go out and socialize, I haven't done that in a while. BUT, I know my triggers. Dancing and drinking.....I always pay for it. Drinking always makes me swell and stiff. Dancing just makes me feel like I'm 80 years old the next day. I don't want to feel like I have to live in a bubble. I'm still going, I have ants in my pants and need to get out.

Support RA!

I found these online, thought they were cool!