Who Ever Said Pain Was Temporary....Did Not Have RA.

I've been resting as much as I possibly can. I'm taking anti depressants. I meditate almost daily. And, I have been seeing a therapist.Yet none of these things are helping me to deal with my daily pain. I don't understand how my RA can be present every single day. My energy level goes from ok to nearly falling asleep in just a couple hours. I'm trying so hard to be patient with this new drug. It's not like I have the energy to fight it or do anything else. It really is frustrating. I briefly looked into filing for permanent disability. One, the payments are less than half of what I make now. Secondly, I cannot live without insurance benefits. I just need to get better. I feel like I didn't do that much today, yet I am so exhausted. My body hurts and my feet just burn when I stand. Sometimes, I just want to cry out of pure frustration. I'm so tired of being tired. And hurting. How can someone hurt literally every day?

Rest vs Sleep

Chronic fatigue has not been easy lately. And, it hasn't been easy to explain. Depending on my mood, sometimes I feel like I need a disclaimer rubberbanded around my wrist. Other times, I wish people would just stop asking what's wrong. The feeling of being so tired and not getting enough sleep is sometimes unbearable. Waking up yawning and knowing you are JUST starting your day could bring tears to your eyes. I truly know this. I swallow these tears often.

Its difficult working full time(while having to commute) and dealing with fatigue. I try to nap on the weekends to catch up on sleep. Most often, I find I'm still sleepy. Recently, I experimented with myself. I reduced my work hours to allow to take care of myself properly. When I napped, I still felt very tired. If I would just lay in bed and rest or meditate I would actually feel more rested. It seemed a little strange to me. I really thought sleep would be the answer.

"Why are you so tired?"

This is a question I seem to hear a few times a week. Despite my best efforts to describe chronic fatigue and RA, people think if you "look well", you shouldn't be tired. I work full time, so I look forward to napping on the weekends. Sometimes I'll wake up from a nap, have lunch, then nap again. To me, I'm recharging. That's what my weekend is for. I know if I have too many days where fight through the fatigue, I flare. I have lost friends over this because they simply did not understand, or just did not want to take the time to understand. RA fatigue is real and cannot be controlled. I sometimes wish people could take turns and be in my shoes for 24 hours. I wonder if they would look at me differently?